For most of the last forty years I have visited India every year.   There is no compelling reason for me to do so, yet here I am again in my seventieth year.   At first ours was a passionate love affair.  My beloved could do no wrong.  Then, as she yielded her secrets it became more complicated.  It was as if I was observing her through strange spectacles: one rosy lens revealed her eternal spiritual glory…Bharat, Land of Light!  And the other, a clear glass, presented the ugly horror of a primitive samsara.   Joy and sorrow woven fine.

When I first came to Tiruvannamalai in the Seventies it was a peaceful small town and Ramana, sad to say, the sage of Arunachala, was more or less forgotten.  It took thirty minutes to find someone in the ashram who could give me a room.  Ramana’s Samadhi glowed with an amazing power and a friend and I witnessed an extraordinary miracle there.  Then Papaji died and the fledgling Western spiritual world discovered Ramana.   At the same time in the early Nineties a famous Tamil film star sang a song in a movie about Arunachala and Ramana.  He said that if you circumambulated Arunchala on the full moon you would get everything you wanted.  It was an old easily misinterpreted idea.  It meant that if you seek and realize the truth, you will have gained everything you ever wanted from life.  But needy devotional minds read something else into those words and Arunachala was meant to deliver a male ‘issue,’ money for a daughter’s dowry,  health for a sick relative and other worldly things too numerous to mention.  People began to walk around the mountain in the thousands, then tens of thousands, then hundreds of thousands.  I missed the big one this year by design but I recall one a few years back that certainly attracted a million people and lasted the better part of three days. 

With all this attention the town became a chaotic small city.  The main temple flourished and the ashram, once a peaceful haven, became a noisy busy pilgrimage center.  It became so popular that the management installed a cell phone jammer to keep the Indians from talking on their phones in the meditation hall, much to the consternation of the Western meditators who became vocal and aggressive and attacked the management.  Indians are polite to a fault and conceal their contempt for rude foreigners behind a dispassionate façade, but the management was having none of it so the meditators were forced come up with another solution.  At one point some clever entrepreneur began selling expensive medallions that were meant to neutralize the micro waves and guarantee peace of mind.  Ramana must be turning over in his fancy Samadhi i.e. grave.

The area around the ashram grew and grew and Chengam Road, once unpaved, now resembles any ugly filthy noisy uncontrolled Indian street.   Whereas once only a handful of sincere sadhus came to quietly pursue their seeking, Ramana Nagar now teems with ‘spiritual’ travelers of all ilk, from hirsute malordous hippies to buttoned down middle class tourists from suburban Western McMansions in huge busses, eager to garner a credential for their spiritual resume.  I found it very amusing one day when a bus load was forced to avert their eyes as a beggar defecated in the gutter running in front of the ashram.   

As things deteriorated my love affair turned into a love/hate relationship.   It was my habit to stay three or four months and then head back to Europe or the States in the spring.  Usually the first three months was all love.  I was unaffected by the shallowness, the ugliness, the shit in the streets, the pretentious Western gurus and the Neo-Advaitic lifestylers.   But slowly it got to me and I started counting the days until my plane left.  At least twice, as my neighborhood lost its charm, I gave away all my possession and swore never to return.  But somehow, not really by my own will, I found myself returning.  Then, a couple of years ago, things changed again and I actually regretted leaving.   Maybe I just let go of the memory of the good old days or maybe as death approaches I can’t be bothered by the silliness of this world. 

In any case three days ago I found myself landing at the airport in Madras, exhausted by the long trip waiting for India to work her magic on my weary mind.  In the West you can wait forever to be reminded of the Light that illumines every atom of the visible.  Everything you see refers only to its small self or to some tawdry emotion or absurd idea, but India, lurching chaotically and exuberantly into the Internet Age, still has her magic.  As the taxi stalled in heavy traffic at the bottom of a filthy dark underpass I looked out window and saw a sign painted on the cement “Baby Jesus Temple.”   It was enough to send my mind to that far away every present state that is the essence of all things.   I left modern India and entered Bharat, the Land of Light.      

It happens like that here.  A few years ago I was sitting in my favorite café sipping my chocolaty milky coffee reading the paper when I came across this article with the following caption:

Farmer Takes Samdhi, Turns God
Bodi. (Bhavnagar district)  Dec 26

By choosing to give up his life at an appointed hour, a 70-year-old farmer, revered in the village for his piety, has acquired the status of a god in his Bharwad community of shepherds.

On Wednesday morning, Hemubhai Talasibhai lowered himself to a five feet deep pit he had dug the previous day. A 5,000-strong crowd gathered around the pit. Villages say he sat cross-legged with a coconut in his hands. In a couple of minutes, they swear, they saw the "soul of Talasibhai leave his body".

Then, as they had been told, the villagers put handfuls of mud over the body, worshipping their new god, Talasibhai, who had "taken samadhi". The villagers said they hadn't buried him alive; it was only after they realized that he had given up life that they cast fistfuls of earth into the pit.  The spot Talashibhai had chosen for samadhi was close to a temple to his guru in the middle of his field.

Mohanbhai Bharwad, son of Talashibhai, says the samadhi-taking had been delayed for over five years. The family had opposed the old man's decision. "But this time he was adamant. The previous night he said his guru had sent for him, and he was going to leave his body. We tried our best to change his mind - but he was firm," said Bharwad.

Villagers say Talasibhai was a very "simple and religious man". "He would wake up at 4 in the morning, come to the fields and pray for long hours. In the evening too, he would come and pray near the temple of his Guru - Shri Shivabhai - for hours. People of the nearby villages had already started treating him as a saint," said Khedubhai, a villager who witnessed the samadhi-taking.

By afternoon, local police got to know of the event. But by the time they reached the spot the samadhi-taking and the burial was over. They had the body taken out, an on-the-spot post-mortem was conducted and Talasibhai declared dead.

Said Talasibhai's son, "We let the police do their job. What was the point in stopping them after my father was already gone?" He said he had noticed a certain impatience in his father's pleadings for seeking samadhi recently: "My father even told my mother that their journey as husband and wife was over, and that he had to go.  The night before the samadhi, Talasibhai stayed awake performing Ram Dhun. About 9 am he calmly lowered himself into the pit. He looked peaceful."

So, if you want to come to India, don’t come looking for anything.  Just come and let India reveal herself to you.  It will happen.

 Do You Want Ignorance Back?

 I got a letter from a person today whose search ended.
 

This is what he said, “I read your book. A funny thing happened. Still enjoy reading, but the 30 year search is over. It is true that self knowledge ends the search. Once you know, you don’t have to think about it, or try and keep it. It is the background of everything. I only say background rather than foreground because there is a body, a mind, and a personality still here and it has things it needs to do. Although is peace always here, despite the stress of work etc., it is not bliss. In fact, there is somewhat of a depression as there had been a lot of ego and joy in the search. Sort of a There is a paradox, as at some point I realized that it didn’t matter if “I” got it or not, as I was already It, whether I realized It or not. (J I accept the depression . I know it is due to no longer having that drive, that effort, that occupation of the Search! When one knows, one can accept others as they are, but it is difficult to find many I can share this with. This understanding is just too outside the paradigm of normal. I know that life is meaningful, even if I am not experiencing it personally as meaningful, since it is not up to me personally anyway. But, there is a pull towards a more meaningful life in regard to incorporating this knowing in daily life. For example, most of my day is spent writing for a large corporation. Not much personal sharing. So, although concentration is easy for me, due to having a very quiet, almost thoughtless mind, at the end of the day, riding home on the bus, I get the feeling of not having done anything meaningful as regards the Knowing. Also, on my blog, I wrote several entries based on what I gleaned from your book, but I am not feeling any more urge to write, or rather, what can one say? It is what it is, and it is known. This seems to be in contrast to a very early drive towards “wisdom” and wanting to share it, once I had wisdom. Now that I know, it is more like silence and not being able to put it into words anyhow. Actually, sharing does not need to happen, because ultimately it makes no difference anyhow; Awareness is, and it is the doer, and everything is already OK. I think you can see my dilemma. There is no drive in Knowing like there was in the search. Awareness just is. Yet the person wants to do something, or feel something, at least help others along the path, or at least relieve suffering. And like I said, there is more of a depression at the loss of a goal, rather than bliss. I can rest with this, but if you can wrap some clarity around this, it would be helpful.

Just as it is said, “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear,” so it can be said, “When the teacher is ready, the students will appear.” Would you agree?

And I replied, “You would be surprised how often I hear this story when people realize who they are and the search finishes. There is a kind of letdown. Not to worry. It will pass. One of my friends was in a kind of depression for almost two years…not a depression requiring medication or psychotherapy…when self knowledge became steady and the seeking stopped. She was a bit negative thinking about how things would never be the same and at times even wished the ignorance would come back. But you can never go back. As it says in the Bhagavad Gita, ‘once you go there, you never return.’

The problem lies with the way the ego is interpreting the end of seeking. It is grieving about what was lost, not what was gained. It is quite normal, although this did not happen to me because I have always been a very optimistic desire oriented person and I have always only done only what I wanted to do and I have always been ready to live on the streets. One time I found myself living in a van in the dead of winter and it did not bother me at all. I never had a regular job in my life and I always saw to it that I had enough money to move into something more appealing if I got bored with what I was into at the time. So I never found myself in situations where I was controlled and I could not express myself freely. And in Vedanta I discovered a love that would never end, so I just quit talking about me and my search…what a relief!...and started writing about the self and developing the ability to communicate it to others. It did not really matter (as you now know) and I could just as well have gone fishing…which I did for years because I had a cabin the Rocky Mountains in Montana. And my guru was an amazingly inspiring role model…he was extremely happy even thirty years after his enlightenment…because he was doing what he wanted. So it never occurred to me that there would be a downside to enlightenment. But over the years quite a few people…more than you would imagine…finished their seeking with Vedanta and I often hear this story immediately after the .

How should the ego interpret enlightenment? It should discover the upside. And that is what? FREEDOM! If you are no longer bound to seeking, you are free to be what you want to be as a human being. There is no reason why you cannot express yourself fully. Before you were constrained by the seeking. It defined you. But now you need a new definition, ‘meaning’ as you say. Before, ignorance was giving your life meaning but now you cannot rely on it to make things meaningful. You have to be creative or wait until this feeling passes…which it will because it is just a feeling. You are undoubtedly familiar with the before enlightenment after enlightenment quote which says in essence that nothing changes in the apparent reality.

Now we can leave enlightenment out of the picture. It was just an idea that proved hollow in the end like every idea. Now we are faced with psychology, the nature of the mind. And the

truth about the mind is this: it needs something inspiring and uplifting to pursue if it is going to be happy. It need not be happy. That is up to you. You would be surprised how may grumpy grouchy cranky old mahatmas I met in India! I know it sounds ridiculous because we have all been suckered by the smiley face version of enlightenment. Everyone thinks they will end up like the radiant hugging saint. “That’s the real enlightenment!” they think. “That’s what I want!” She is not happy because she is enlightened; she is happy because she likes giving hugs to people. Personally, it is not my idea of happiness, although I can give a pretty decent hug.

But the fact is that if you really are the self it does not matter one bit what your ego is going through. A happy ego has equal value as a grouchy ego. It would have to be that way because the self sees everything equally, with total dispassion. So, you have to think about what kind of a life you want to live…or not. You can just as well run off the existing karma and put up with this feeling of loss, which I mentioned will pass. You can dive into the peace and discover that it is really radiant bliss.

It seems you tend toward the idea of teaching others. That is very good. There is a great satisfaction in helping if you have that kind of nature. If you don’t, it will not work. So, you can work on developing your communication skills which are probably pretty refined already considering your occupation. If you haven’t seen my videos, you can get them and see how I teach. You can, of course, develop your own style, but you should follow the methodology if you want to be successful. For want of a proper teaching, most of these Johnny come lately gurus cause a lot of long term trouble for seekers even as they give them a bit of immediate relief in the short term.

Actually, you can do anything you want. That is the meaning of freedom. Happiness is self actualization working out your relative nature. It is for the ego. This is why in the Bhagavad Gita Krishna, speaking as a realized person, someone who is not seeking meaning in , says “I am the desire that is not opposed to dharma.” This means that you can follow your desires and not worry that you will break the rules of life.”